It’s so easy to love others, but loving yourself takes work. Your past history doesn’t define your destiny. It’s time to begin telling yourself a new story.
I remember being in relationships where I worked so hard trying to prove myself to the men I was with. I wanted to “be right” and do everything “just right” for them, but I seemed to be doing the complete opposite for myself. I actually ended up feeling like nothing I did was right and that my efforts to get it right were never good enough.
Empty…yep, that’s how I felt.
Then one day I woke up. Look at your neighbor and say, “She woke up.” I woke up to who I really was. I woke up to the wonderful woman God created me to be. I woke up to the beautiful woman God sees me as, flaws and all. When I woke up, I guess you can say the rest was history.
You can read more about my journey to healing HERE.
Change Your Story To Yourself:
I changed my language from what’s wrong with me to here is what’s right about me, and if they didn’t recognize it, then their perception of me didn’t alter the thoughts and beliefs I had of myself.
My concern was more about my heart and believing what God says about me. I started to love myself instead of trying to convince someone else to love me who didn’t even respect or value me. I took time for me, invested in me, and engaged in things I love and that made me feel and become a better person.
Sisters, your concern shouldn’t be a man who doesn’t recognize you, honor you, value you, respect you, or support you. If he’s doing the complete opposite, then sis you’re wasting your time.
Wake up and starting fighting for you!!
Below are 5 quick tips to get you started on loving you:
- Practice self compassion and being kinder to yourself rather than beating yourself up. According to an article written by Catherine Moore on positivepsychology.com, “Having self-compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting, and loving when situations might be less than optimal.”
- Be less critical and judgmental of yourself and show yourself more grace. We hear and receive so much negative criticism that we can begin to take it personal and internalize it if we’re not careful. Own who you are and focus on some things that are great about you. When you believe in yourself it’s much easier for others to jump on board and believe it too. Something I have to intentionally do is replace 1 negative comment I’ve said about myself with 3 positive comments.
- Stop shaming yourself and start loving on yourself by doing things that will help you to feel better about you. The stories we tell ourselves are usually rooted in shame. Brené Brown says shame is, “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” In order to tell myself a different story I had to learn how to tend to my inner self. You can read more about how I did that HERE. Remember, Rome wasn’t built overnight, so this will be a continual process. Don’t give up. Do the work and make it a daily practice to say something kind to yourself.
- Celebrate yourself more. Who says you have to wait on someone else to celebrate your accomplishments and important milestones? While it’s very important to have an encouraging and supportive network of family and friends who are genuinely happy for you, I do not suggest solely depending on them to celebrate you. Take yourself on a date. Due to the COVID pandemic it’ll be safer if you go on a date in your home or by driving to a nice park and having lunch by yourself. I love to dance, so sometimes I will play music and dance the night away by myself or while on FaceTime with a friend. If you feel like you don’t have a reason to celebrate, then you may find some encouragement from reading my blog post entitled, “What To Do When You Feel Like Everyone Is Winning But You?”
For Valentine’s Day this year I celebrated myself by putting on a red dress out of my closet that I’ve been waiting on the right opportunity to wear, ordered take-out from one of my favorite restaurants, and danced until midnight to a variety of music. When I say I enjoyed myself…girl you just had to be here to experience it with me:)
I could not stop smiling. It was such an incredible feeling to know that I am truly at a stage in life where I can love myself. One thing I can confidently say now is that no one will ever love me better than me. I have finally fallen in love with the girl in the mirror, and I refuse to ever change that.
Now, my question for you is how much do you value and honor yourself? Stop spending time trying to convince a man who is going to think and do what he wants that you’re worthy of his time and attention, and put that energy into loving, respecting, and valuing yourself.
Side bar: It’s ok if this is currently you or used to be you. We can all use some work. You’re not alone. Trust me on this one. You are not alone!
I love this quote I saw on Pinterest: “If you want to heal your heart’s wounds, start healing your thoughts.”
Wait…did I hear someone say how do you heal your thoughts? My suggestion is to search scriptures to see what God says about you, write them down, repeat them daily, and BELIEVE THEM!
Search for your worth in scripture and within yourself, then wait on the right man to discover and appreciate how worthy you really are. You’re worth waiting for my dear. You’re not a mistake. Soon and very soon the right man will find you, then you’ll understand why you were being “overlooked”.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Let me know how you plan to commit to intentionally and unapologetically loving on yourself this week. If there’s something you would like to see in a future blog post on this topic, then let me know in the comments as well.
Peace and love my beautiful sisters,