“Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her, and all those who come after her.” ~ Christiane Northrup
Amazing things happen when women heal. One of the biggest lessons a woman learns is healing is a process that requires you to show up daily and face the reality of what happened without allowing it to define or determine how you will move forward in life. Healing isn’t a destination. You don’t arrive at healing. I like to think of it as a process you travel through. If you’re willing to do the work, you will learn the best way to process through hurt and pain is to face it.
In order to allow yourself to heal it’s imperative that you stop comparing yourself and your journey through healing to others. Maybe you’re healing from a bad breakup, the loss of a loved one, a miscarriage, or even the news you just received from the doctor saying you can’t have children. Whatever the case may be, everyone’s journey through healing looks different.
Some people are able to quickly accept the pain of what happened and face life head on, while others find themselves moving a little slower and tend to stick around in the denial stage for a while. And that’s ok. It’s your journey…move at your own pace. In the past I’ve practiced avoidance, and still do at times, because it kept me from dealing with the thoughts and emotions that reminded me of what caused my pain. I’ve learned I can avoid the pain as much as I want, but it’ll show up in my life (and yours) voluntarily or involuntarily. We may as well be honest with ourselves about it. Right?
What’s the magic potion? I want somma dat!
There’s no magic wand or potion that can be used to bring immediate healing. All you have to do is be honest with yourself. I know it sounds easier than it is. Although some people want to be honest about their pain, they truly don’t know how.
In order to speak it you have to first allow yourself to feel what you’ve been trying to bury. Yes, all of those dark, ugly, hurtful emotions you’ve been running away from. Resentment. Feel it. Pain. Feel it. Jealousy. Feel it. Frustration. Feel it. Shame. Feel it. I know it’s an uncomfortable process for you and you want to run away from it. Don’t! You’ve been running too long. You’re not alone even though you feel like it. Your feelings are in the room with you. Grant yourself permission to connect with those feelings without judging yourself so you can begin the beautiful process of healing.
Say, I’m hurt or I was hurt by _____, but I refuse to allow that to ruin my life. I refuse to allow the pain of the past to keep me from being present. From living and experiencing the present. Tell yourself the truth about how you feel about yourself and anyone else involved. Then release it. You don’t have to keep holding on to it. Begin to look at each day with a new set of lenses and a new way of speaking. Not in a way where you’re denying or avoiding the truth, but in a way where you’re accepting the truth while still living in your own truth.
*Some people aren’t able to go through the healing process alone. It’s ok if you need a professional to help you through it.*
“You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”
Here are some things you can say to yourself during the process:
- I am a work in progress
- I give myself grace
- I celebrate my successes no matter how big or small
- I am free from the opinions of others
- I am doing a great job
- I’m not perfect, and that’s ok
- I give myself permission to do what’s best for me.
- Bad days are inevitable, it’s what I do with the hard/bad days that counts.
- I am not what happened to me
- I will not stress over what I can’t control
- I will learn and grow from this
Don’t just take advice from me. I decided to reach out to some women I admire who work to help women heal in some shape, form, or fashion and who have helped me on my journey to self-discovery and healing.
Paulette Chavers, LPC
“The advice that I would give is that healing is a process and that it takes consistency and will power to
Anita Brown, Writer & Co-host of The Pause Button 2.0 podcast
“Even though I saw my daily drinking as a problem, I never did identify as an alcoholic. Physically quitting was easy for me. I didn’t experience physical withdrawal symptoms and I didn’t have strong cravings. So I’m not sure my message is for people who are physically addicted to substances and need professional support to break those addictions safely. My message is for anyone who turns to any vice to numb what they don’t want to face. My message is about bravely looking at your truth with compassion and empathy and living in the acknowledged awareness of your emotions. What I’m really healing from is childhood emotional neglect.So my advice to women: Learn and practice self compassion, acknowledge your emotions, establish boundaries that give you a strong sense of self, lean on others who are doing the same. My advice is pretty much to anyone wanting to experience life in a more vibrant and engaged way.”
Zakiyyah Weatherspoon, MSN, APRN, FNP-BC
“Forgive and move forward. If you don’t let go you won’t heal.”
My advice is summed up with this quote: “Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.” Although you’ll never completely “arrive” at healing you will realize the grip pain once had on you will loosen and you will learn how to work through and control your reaction to the pain. You will stop allowing pain to consume as much of your mental space as you did in the past. You may never forget it, but you will eventually realize you’re now free from it and will stop allowing it to control you.
Remember, healing doesn’t stop just because you feel like you’re over something or someone. It’s sometimes a daily process. Once you open yourself up to healing you will realize the journey is worth it. Easy? No. Worth it? Yes.
I hope you’ll acknowledge your pain, release your pain, and take this incredible journey of healing with me so you too can help another woman heal.
Let’s do this!